you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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