I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
