Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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