I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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