What a fucking waste of an outfit
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
