she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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