you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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