If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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