I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
