Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
