i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
