i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
