I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dear god my vagina.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
