Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
