why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
