Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
