Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
