we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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