I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
