I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
