yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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