So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
