Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize