I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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