why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
