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yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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