a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
