Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
