so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
