I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
