im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize