Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
