if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
