I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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