got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
