he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
