seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
