maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
