Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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