Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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