we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
