there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize