Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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