i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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