Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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