Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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