We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
