but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Four minutes until I can fart!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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