I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
