what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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