That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
