Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
