You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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