apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
third nipple confirmed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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