i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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