I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
