I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
