i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
try to milk me bitch
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
