Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
