I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
