Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
