So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize