I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
