Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
