feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
