awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
